My Daily Suffering

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We all suffer, every single day of our lives, going through something we don’t want to deal with. Whether it is listening to unpleasant people, or new, or whether it is doing something you absolutely hate, and don’t even believe in, look around you, everyone is going through the exact same thing, you’re not alone.

For me, sometimes I wish that I were the dumbest person in existence. I think perhaps that it may be a solution. I would always be amazed at things, even the stupidest things around, and think that life is just so complicated, like a flat screen TV, so I would not bother trying to figure out how the damn thing works. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I really don’t know, I’ve grown through the days and years to learn new things, and learn how ignorant I were the days and the years before.

I want to fix things, but things don’t want to be fixed! I want to help people, but people don’t want to be helped, they want you to do things for them, without them trying to learn how to do it by themselves!

Some days go by the hours and I try to pace my breaths and meals in order to reach the time to fall asleep. Other days are the exact opposite, but no days are the same, we are always on survival mode.

My suffering may be a bit different than yours, because in Arabic, I’m 24/7 “Sick with Type 1 Diabetes.” When you see a type 1 Diabetic, please give them the respect they deserve, it is really not something easy to live with. If I don’t get into a routine, I have to think hard every day and attempt to plan out how it goes. I’m always unsure in what mood will I wake up the next morning, if at all. For people who have what I have, every night, there are four things that may happen to us. 1. We can sleep nicely through the night (rarely happens). 2. We can wake up once or twice through the night for a bathroom break. 3. We can wake up with hypoglycemia (technically unable to move). 4. We cannot wake up at all (Kabish!).

Of course it is only with the first option that you can begin your day just the way you have planned, that’s with an alarm clock of course. Sometimes I do plan to have a nice 7 hours sleep in order to wake up fresh, have breakfast, workout, and then head to work. But most of my nights are either option 2 or 3. Which means that planning sleep is the most difficult thing I face every day! For a single person who doesn’t usually wake up for early morning prayers, this should work out fine, you can always make up time either before or after bedtime. But for me, everyone around me, family and friends, have to play along, but reality of course objects.

Because all of this, I think I evolved into an overly sensitive person. I can feel people’s miseries more, and I can get frustrated with mediocre characters even more. I can’t be like before, and simply let things fly by. Even though I do stay silent, but almost everything I see is processed in my mind, literally everything.

Sometimes I hear people with loud mouths who are talking relatively fast. I know I was to be like that, but now that I can clearly see how factors in life always influence other factors, and that some are more significant in their influence than others, I tend to never reach a conclusion, unless I have my best friend Mr. Internet with me. I’ll ask him to get me an article with well-researched methodologies for the simplest things. Or, if Mr. Internet was not around, I’ll revisit my other outdated old friend, Mr. Memory, and see what he has to offer. I like Mr. Internet, he’s better looking.

Oh well, I know at least that I am stronger today than yesterday. When you suffer, and go through it, you become stronger. You are today a strong individual, because you have successfully passed the days before today.



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